Hello all. I'll be heading for North Carolina tomorrow. I'll be gone for two weeks. Try not to miss me too much. Hahaha. Like anybody reads this damn page anyway. =P
Tonight I performed a ritual I just named as Doing the Dirty Laundry. That's basically where I get so overcome with conflicting emotions that I run into my parents' arms and bawl and admit all the things I've been lying about and all the things that are making me upset. (I haven't done my dirty laundry for a few years now. I suppose it was time.) Among the offenders were Grandma's senility, dad's anger at the prior, and the fact that they're hinting at how I need to come to Jesus. I didn't tell them about not sticking to my diet though... I probably should have done that. But now the window is over. So... oh well.
I also confessed the fact that for the past few weeks I've found myself being driven into psychotic rages where I fantasize creating massive strife and unrest in the family and other people's lives. When I'm in a normal mood, it frightens me that I can get like that. And when I'm like that, I'm only a few anger-inducers away from pushing my father down the stairs and choking my stepmother so she can't say anything against me. But I'm pretty sure I'll never act on any of these feelings. I'll medicate myself even more if I have to. I can't put my future in jeopardy. I can bet my future on Jeopardy!, but I doubt that would pay off. I'm a dum-dum. Hahaha.
Okay, I'll make another post after I get back. Peace, friends. War forever more, enemies!
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